Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
