just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
