I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
