I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
