There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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