Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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