I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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