I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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