i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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