i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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