considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
