just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
