some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
