my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
