I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
