You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
