He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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