I heard we made out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
