I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
