i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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