I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
