I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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