I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
