I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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