who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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