I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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