I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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