for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Are we still banned from the library?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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