Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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