you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
