Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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