I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
