This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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