I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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