You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
