I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
