i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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