Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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