You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
