My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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