when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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