can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
