I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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