Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
