I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
