Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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