based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
