Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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