why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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