why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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