Nicole vs. Life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
