I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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