Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm too high and old for this...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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