when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
