Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
