Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
