I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Randomize
