I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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