So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize