my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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