her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
