Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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