I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
