Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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