After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
