I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
one might say we're banned from that church
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pants are for mortals
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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