My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
