Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
