It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize